not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
