Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
