I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
