Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
