I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
