I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
