I could make wine with my vomit
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
