I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We left an ass print on the piano.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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