i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
