I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
