Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
