naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
