He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
