You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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