if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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