yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
