I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
