I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How many fucks given?
0.12846
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
