Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She even gives head with a lisp.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
