Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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