we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
