JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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