Are we in a gay sports bar?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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