We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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