haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
