You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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