I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
