he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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