You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
