I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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