it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
