Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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