Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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