end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
