do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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