i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
