You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
