Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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