I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
