I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
