I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
