Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
