I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
