so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
