After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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