I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
