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I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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