Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
