CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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