yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
