she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
