You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
