i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
