Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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