who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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