my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
