Im at strip club and am horny
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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