i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
