So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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