Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
